The Finish Line Has Become a New Starting Line

If you were to sit in on one of the lectures I used to give at Stanford University, I would likely begin by introducing myself with a clear, authoritative voice. I would tell you that my name is Debra Meyerson, and for the next few hours, we would explore the complexities of identity, gender and organizational change. I would stand at the podium, confident in my expertise and my ability to articulate it. Today, however, we are here to discuss a different kind of curriculum, one that Steve and I have been learning together since a severe stroke changed our lives in 2010. In this classroom, the lesson plan is rarely linear, and the answers are never found in the back of the book.

As we’ve said in countless talks since our first edition of Identity Theft: Rediscovering Ourselves After Stroke in 2019, “the finish line had become a new starting line.” We survived the stroke, navigated the brutal initial years of physical rehabilitation and chronicled the agonizing process of rebuilding a shattered identity. Along the way, we spoke with many other stroke survivors and realized we had identified a real gap in the stroke systems of care, and we felt compelled to do something about it. The result was Stroke Onward, a nonprofit that helps survivors and families navigate the journey to rebuild identities and rewarding lives.

We realized that recovery is not a destination you arrive at where the work stops and “normal” life resumes. Instead of purely trying to regain lost capabilities, we rolled forward toward our best possible life that is different, deeply rewarding and impactful in ways we could have never imagined — precisely because we are building it in the face of whatever impacts the stroke created.

The question is natural: How does one move off that starting line when the path ahead looks nothing like the one you followed for decades? For us, it began with a shift in definition. In the medical world, recovery is often measured by function — how many degrees you can lift your arm or how many words you can speak per minute. But those metrics didn’t match what we were experiencing. We began to see recovery as encompassing both rehabilitation and reshaping, rediscovering and rebuilding. Rehabilitation is the critical work you do for your body, whereas rebuilding is the critical work you do for your identity.

We often share the story of our “Stroke Across America” adventure to illustrate this. On the surface, riding a tandem bicycle 4,500 miles seems like a physical feat. But the real triumph wasn't the pedaling; it was pushing through all the frustration exacerbated by disabilities caused by the stroke — the adaptation. With or without disabilities, that mental challenge is the biggest challenge in any difficult journey. By using a tandem, we didn't just make do; we found a new way to experience joy and adventure that we might never have discovered otherwise. Adaptation empowered us to move forward, even in the face of the stroke.

That ride was a physical manifestation of moving off the starting line. It was us declaring that we are not defined by what we have lost but by how we choose to engage with what we have in front of us.

Our second edition of Identity Theft: Rediscovering Ourselves After Stroke came out in 2024, and it was also a manifestation of looking forward, not back. We added Steve’s name as a co-author, just as he is a co-author in the shared story and new identities we are building. By adding his name to the cover and his voice to the narrative, we acknowledge a critical lesson: You cannot navigate this path alone. Mutual agency, where both partners acknowledge their pain and their power, is the only fuel that sustains the long journey.

We invite you to think of this second edition as a case study in finding ways, most of the time, to look forward and not back, to continue living lives of meaning, purpose and pleasure through new tools and technology. We lean into the concept of small wins, breaking down massive, paralyzing goals into bite-sized victories that build momentum, as we discuss the needed systems change. That change starts with amplifying the experience of the thousands of survivors we’ve met through our nonprofit, Stroke Onward. If there is one thing we’ve learned, connection is an immediate antidote to the despair that often follows trauma.

As you read this, we want to leave you with a question we often ask ourselves: If you stopped waiting for your old self to return, who would you choose to be today? The stroke may have stolen some of Debra’s capabilities and aspects of our original identities, but it could not steal our ability to choose who we become next. The starting line is right here, in front of you. We hope you’ll join us in moving forward.

To continue the conversation or share your own “starting line” moment, please email us at [email protected].