Sandy H

Sandy H

I am … a Survivor.

I had my stroke at 57, cerebellum that left my left side weak and memory and cognitive problems. But I came home determined to become 100 percent again. I began walking p, first with my walker, then cane, then walking stick.  Soon progressed to 3,4 miles daily. Ate better, quit smoking, cut out salt. Three weeks later I had a heart attack. Came home again, undaunted, started to recover again, alittle slower this time, although soon I was power walkingt, doing aerobics, step classes, even some old fashioned tai Bo thrown in. Began doing beginning yoga and stretching and meditating. Felt marvelous and strong. This went on for a year, I became very involved in volunteer work at my church, and the stronger I became tge more confident I felt. I felt I had beaten everything and was golden. At the end of March of this year , I had to have emergency surgery – anal fistulas were beginning to turn septic- I had only been in pain 3 days before going to ER, that’s how fast it happened. The post surgical recovery was an absolute nightmare- pain indescribable and so bad I had to bite on towels to keep from screaming. This went on for two months.  I became very depressedanxiousand having panic attacks. I keep having flashbacks of the stroke and the heart attack , and wake up in cold sweats.  I don’t feel like walking or doing volunteer work any more. I figure what is the use? I have nearly died three tines so nothing I do to prevent them. Giving up and very tears. But have gone back to counselling and pray even more than I used to. Increased depression and anxiety meds, but I just don’t seem to care anymore. Anyone else feel like this?