Fierce G.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
By: Melessia Dowham

Suvivor

I had a massive stroke in 2008 at age 30. There are heights in my recovery I thought I would never reach. Though my stroke has forever changed my life, I certainly do not want it to forever define it.

I survived a massive stroke at age 30. Almost 3 years later, I am overwhelmed to think of things I have overcome. While I was thankful for my life and the Grace that saved me, the aftermath of stroke led to a lot of fear and insecurity about my future. Being unable to walk, do my hair, or wear fashionable outfits/shoes at age 30 were all major dilemmas, but more pressing were the fears and questions that kept me from sleeping at night...Will I ever have a man in my life who will love and care about me now that my 'imperfection' was apparent? Will I ever smile like I used to? Will I ever stop crying everytime someone asks me what happened? Will I be able to have children? Will I be a good mom if I can't braid daughter's hair? Will I become overweight and unhealthy now that I can't run like I used to? What am I going to do with my life? My world has been swept out from under me, I am 30 years old and have to go live with my parents in Indiana because I can't even shower by myself, What now?

Well the answer came in a whisper from God...slowly but surely. At first it was a walk down the driveway to the mailbox but then it became a lap around the neighborhood as the neighbors would wave, cheering me on. Then it was another lap more than the walk the day before. I slowly put motion and activity back into my life... it was the miracle of movement that saved me from my self-defeating thoughts. Once my mind made the shift, my body decided to follow. I then progressed enough to go exercise at a local YMCA where I would be surrounded by an elderly retired crowd on weekday afternoons who believed in me, as they spoke to me of inspiration. How could I possibly be inspiring? Look at me, my left arm is in a sling and I walk slow and funny!

Just 8 months post-stroke, I moved back to my job and to living on my own in California. I went through a year of recovery with little no guidance because I was unable to get much therapy for my remaining disabilities. I was 31 by this time and the medical community had a hard time believing I still needed help because I was physically young and appeared to be 'normal'...this is the difficulty for anyone who's suffered a brain injury. I have been the director of my recovery, without the help of doctors / therapists many times. Giving up was never an option for me. For the young, it is not enough to simply 'function'; as young survivors with a lot of life to live, we want it all back, and we won't stop trying until we get it all back. I now know it has been God and I all along. We work every day to put me back together, piece by piece.

Today, I am overwhelmed to think of the distance I have come. I have all the light in my life I thought I would never see again. Sure, I mourn the loss of the girl I once knew in the mirror, but the woman who has emerged through this fierce grace is truly the woman she was always meant to be. I even got my dimple back!